” She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” — Proverbs 31:12
This goes much deeper than preparing a good meal or making sure he has clean clothes, although those are super important. “Will do” in Hebrew is gamal, which means to reward or to bring.
When you get rewarded with something, you expect it to be better than average. Or at least I do.
What’s the point of getting a reward if it’s nothing special?
If your husband just wanted his food cooked and his clothes cleaned, he could hire a maid. (If you feel like this is all he wants, talk with him. If necessary, pursue counseling with your pastor.)
I have the most fantastic husband in the world! However, my fantastic husband also has very high standards when it comes to tending his clothes.
Note: Being the frugal person that I am, I am able to find his dress shirts (a lot of high quality, french cuff shirts!) at the Goodwill in Tyler for $5. But not every Goodwill is good, so you just have to scout out your own place.
- He likes them pressed to perfection,
- the collar of his shirts treated after they are worn,
- hung up when the dryer is done drying them,
- he wants them on a nice, thick hanger to prevent hanger marks in the knees and in the shoulders of his shirts.
- On his shirts, he likes the very top button buttoned while it’s on the hanger to prevent the collar from going downhill.
- His suits need to be put on their original hanger.
- His pants need to be folded the proper dress pants folding way.
- I won’t even go into the care that is required to properly maintain his vintage tie collection of 100+ ties (all found at Goodwill for $1 over the course of 5 years)
Is he looking less fantastic to you now? LOL. Here’s the kicker: I don’t mind doing these things for him. You see, I am very specific in how I like certain things done, and he goes out of his way to make sure I am pleased with my wish list. And I know why he is the way he is about his clothes. When his dad left, they had very little money, which meant no nice things. It taught him to value his possessions. He takes care of what he has. What a blessing!
Note: We are definitely a mismatch in the fashion category. I have three skirts that I rotate with two pair of shoes. I simply just do not care about fashion. It’s great for people who don’t work in the kitchen at church, who don’t lead children’s groups, who don’t have to drive 30 minutes to get to church, who don’t sit in the soundbooth through the whole church service, etc. I don’t go to church to show you how pretty I can be. When I’m at church, I am working. I have never valued fancy clothes, with or without God, and I ain’t about to start now. I have freedom in the fact that I don’t have to dress to impress. I do try to make sure everything matches and is ironed. Anyway….
Let’s look at something more important than laundry.
Am I rewarding him with what I say to him, about him, and how I speak to him?
Very rarely, and I do mean very rarely, does my husband get mad at me. I always say if he dies that I am not going to remarry because I will never find a man who puts up with me the way that he does. Pretty much the only time I ever really make him mad is when I disrespect him, especially in front of people. Huffing and puffing at him is a sure fire way of ruining our day.
We both love to talk. Sometimes, one of us is talking while the other one is ready to leave. So instead of me hollering into the back door of the church, “Jimmy, I am ready to go now!” in my best upset and agitated voice, I seek him out and gently say, “The kids are in the car.” This is our signal that I am ready to go. And he uses it, too.
What are you saying to your friends and family about him? Listen carefully to this next part:
What are you saying to your children about him?
Remarks that start with “Your father never” or “Your father always” usually end with something negative. Do not bash your husband to anybody! If you have a problem with your husband, then go to your husband! I can not stress this enough. Equally important is finding the right time to talk with him about it. Notice I said “with” and not “at”. Chances are he is going to have a few items of his own to address, and you need to let him.
It’s okay if that hurt. Growth hurts sometimes. A great exercise to try is to ask your children “How do I feel about Daddy?” and see what they say.
Really, I could go on, drawing from my own very deep well of mistakes. But I think we’ve covered enough for today. Feel free to share your growth in the comment section. Curious minds want to know. (It kills more than cats.)