Personal Guidelines for Modesty

When we went out to party, it was evident that I was supporting the party lifestyle.  I was not to be confused with a “nice girl.”  I drank, smoked, cussed, and cavorted with the best of them.  I was proud of who I was.  I could hustle you at pool and look good doing it.  I was the hottest girl in the room, and I knew it.  I made sure of it.

Was I a Christian? 

Well, for the first 16 years of my life I went to church three days a week.  I knew a lot about the Bible, and I always wore a dress to church.  When I married my first husband, and we went to his church, I taught Sunday School.  However, we lit up a big doobie as soon as we pulled out of the church parking lot.  We would do drugs and drink alcohol with friends, all while inviting them to church.  We snorted coke on Christmas.  Was I a Christian?  The fruit of my spiritual tree all point to “No.”

So understand that when I speak about modesty that I haven’t always been modest.  These days, I cling to modesty, because I know the things that I brought upon myself by professing to the world that I had no boundaries.  The world was more than eager to take me up on that invitation.

What does all of that have to do with modesty?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know:

• Jesus loves me no matter what I wear
• modesty starts in the heart
• guys shouldn’t be looking at me
• people shouldn’t be judging me based on what I wear

The reality of it is this:

• Jesus loved me in my sin, but He doesn’t want me to keep living in it
• If my heart is right, it will show up on the outside at some point
• Guys are going to look, especially if I am putting my goodies on display
• Don’t act like you don’t judge people.  If I see a man dressed like a police officer, I’m going to assume that he’s a policeman

Before Jesus pulled me up from this wallow of sin I used to live in, I had a different set of guidelines for my clothes.

• If the skirt was below my knees, it was too long.  Mid-thigh was best.
• I only wore shirts that showed my cleavage.
• It was essential that everything be skin tight.

What I wear does matter.

Not sexy by accident.

If my intent is to look sexy when I step out of my house, then that does matter.  It has ramifications on me, my husband, my children, other Christians, and God.

I do have control over what my children wear.  Don’t ever show them any compromise when it comes to protecting them through guiding them in their modesty.  Even though I homeschool, I still try to support our local community.  I took my 9 year old son to a beginning of school welcome pep rally, and I left after about 15 minutes.  Ironically, the school boasts on their team shirts, “We pray before we play.”

Is it really necessary to play volleyball in your panties?

Parents, why are you allowing your daughters to wear uniforms that so completely go against any grain of modesty?  I’m not saying they need to be in skirts, but I am saying that they are setting themselves up for sexual impurity by wearing the popular sports uniforms.  What message are you sending to your young impressionable daughter?  “It’s okay to look like a hooker as long as you’re supporting your school”?  You DO have a choice.  Don’t you teach your own children that they have a choice about making good decisions?  Start setting the proper example.  Don’t you know what those teenagers and grown men are thinking about doing to your daughter?

Here are my personal guidelines for modesty:

• Nothing should be tight.  It’s too revealing and unless I’m a supermodel, it doesn’t look good anyway.  Back fat and muffin tops are not appealing.
• Skirts should be long enough so that when I sit down, the skirt still covers my knees.  Note:  my knee continues down past the top of my thigh.The red line is the end of your knee.
• If my skirt isn’t tight, there should be no need for a slit.  But if my skirt does have a slit, it should not go above my knees.  Make sure I check the view from the back.  When I’m climbing up onto the platform, no one needs to be seeing my thigh.Skirt with Slit

• My neckline should not be more than 1″ below the clavicle.  This is to prevent a peep show from happening when I bend over.The website bills this as a modest shirt. Let’s see—skin tight and very low neckline. Nope, not modest.
• Sleeves should come to the elbow or below.  Why would I want to show off my jiggly arm anyway?
• Shoes are a very big turn on to men.  If the shoes I buy make me feel sexy, then don’t buy them.  Do you know how many fantasies that men have deal directly with naked women in strappy high heels?  When a woman wears a very high heel, it causes her to walk in a sexier manner.  Not only that, but it also emphasizes her calves, which makes her look sexier.  Just ask your husband.The advertisement itself billed this shoe as sexy.
• Lacey, decorative panty hose.  I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.
• Just because I wear an undershirt underneath a sexy, revealing top doesn’t hide the fact that the sexy, revealing top is highlighting my boobs.  If I am wearing two bright red triangles over my boobs, men are going to be looking at my boobs, regardless of if I have on a white undershirt.Quit staring at my boobs! What kind of guy are you!

I’m not going to chase all of the rabbits that this post brings with it.  When God delivered me from drugs, alcohol, and Marlboros, He also delivered me from the desire to be sexy.  I am rooted in my beliefs, because I have invested many hours into studying and praying over God’s word concerning these matters.  The advice that I give my own children is to please study the Bible for yourself and pray for God’s guidance.  Some would say that they have freedom in Christ to dress sexy.

I say that I have freedom in Christ to not have to be that woman anymore.

Other arguments you might have:

• My husband likes me to look sexy when I go outside of the home.
• There’s nothing wrong with being sexy.
• I’m single, and I want to find a man.
• I want to fit in with the world.
• I don’t care what anybody thinks.
• I can’t help what other people think about me.

At the end of the day,  I am responsible for my own actions.  Am I making good choices?  Am I dressing in a way that would cause my Christian brother to stumble?  Do I care?

In closing, I want to say that I am not perfect.  I don’t have a perfect attitude all of the time.  I like to sleep late.  I don’t pray everyday.  I’m not judging you.  If you have prayed and sought God’s will for your wardrobe and He has given you peace, then that’s between you and God.  This post is reflective of the personal convictions that God has given me.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.– 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Be sure to read my follow up post:  Bold and Unashamed

Here is a great article on another site:  I love this because she studies the words.  Excellent read!